Hi everyone, my name is Cat and I am 41 years old. I'm a mum to three kids, a 10 year old boy, a 7 year old girl and an angel in heaven who would have been 13 this coming March. I am a self employed website designer and a childminder. I am married to David and live in Ballygowan, Northern Ireland. I suffer from fibromyalgia. I'd like to tell you how my journey to now has gone.
As a child I was very quiet, very naive and very trusting of adults. I think that's just the way children of my generation grew up, we were always told to respect adults. I left high school at 16 and went to college to train as a dental nurse. I was placed in a dental surgery and really enjoyed the work and chatting to patients. When my training year was up I was left to find a job myself and took a job in a bookmakers.
The job involved talking to mostly men all day and working in a completely fake environment, no daylight, all artificial lights, lots of noise and a smoke filled room. I began to suffer from headaches which were so bad I'd go into the toilet and spend my break and lunch hour just sitting there in darkness. After a few years I had a new manager, he was very derogatory to women, often walking by and giving you a dead arm for a laugh, referring to the girls in the office as wenches. He regularly talked with the other guys in work about women in a sexist way, he would draw graphic pictures on work paperwork and even had a page three girl up in the bathroom. Most of the behaviour was directed at me and it began to get me down to the point that one day after work I broke down in front of my mum, dad and fiance and told them everything. I couldn't stop crying and when I went to the doctor they said I was suffering from depression and advised I go on long term sick leave.
I arranged a meeting with my employer to discuss the working conditions I had been subjected to while working under this manager. They completely denied his behaviour and refused to investigate further. In fact they made me feel even more intimidated for bringing it up! After talking to family and friends they advised I take out a law suit against the company I worked for. My solicitor put me in touch with the equality commission who said they would fund my case as I'd been verbally abused in the workplace and so had other female members of staff. My solicitor helped me to layout what I needed to get to resolve the issue. The first thing was an apology from the company for not handling it right, secondly a reference that I could take with me to help find another job and my solicitor felt I should be entitled to some financial compensation for what I'd been through. The case never went to court, settled beforehand I got everything I'd asked for and was able to move on with my life.
I went into retail after that, working for a few different companies I found my passion was visual merchandising. The job mostly involved talking to customers but also heavy lifting boxes of stock, merchandise and equipment, none of which I had a problem with. Now married we tried to get pregnant and I was delighted to have a positive pregnancy test. I moved jobs to work for a bank call centre and looked forward to having my first baby. I didn't suffer from morning sickness but had a lot of anxiety and found out I had high blood pressure. At one hospital visit the doctor went to talk to my consultant on my behalf as my blood pressure was too high and he felt I needed treatment. The consultant said no, he would wait until my next appointment and review it then. At 25 weeks I realised I hadn't felt my baby move for a few days. I was in work one day and remember feeling awful. I had such a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach and knew something was wrong. Later that day my husband and I went to the hospital and the midwife brought us in for a scan. As she tried to find the babies heartbeat a dark feeling spread over me from my head to my toes. I just knew my baby had died. The midwife made excuses to go and get a doctor, they came in and confirmed my baby had died. The next day went by in a blur as I gave birth to my son whom I named Quinn and held him, my husband and I spent one night as a family the three of us. A few days later we had his funeral and then buried his ashes at his memorial tree. At the post pregnancy check up the doctor said in so many words said that my weight could have been a factor in losing my son. He completely denied that the fact that they didn't treat my blood pressure could have contributed.
Getting on with my life was hard, I went back to work in retail and then back to dental nursing again! I found out I was pregnant again. Throughout the pregnancy I was very anxious, we ended up with an excellent consultant, she had had a baby prematurely and knew exactly how I felt and understood the worry we had from what happened previously. They monitored me very closed and scanned me weekly to check that baby was safe. At 28 weeks they noticed that the fluids in my womb had reduced. I was put on complete bed rest and spent the next two weeks being scanned every few days while resting. At 30 weeks in September 2005 my son was born as safe as could be, he was 3 lbs 2 ounces and had no fat on his body, not even a wee bum! Just a line where it should have been! He had chronic lung disease with being born so premature but with modern medicine and help from all the nurses and doctors he went from strength to strength and was discharged home one week before his actual due date. We never forgot Quinn but what we went through meant that Daniel was able to be looked after and born safe. As it turned out my body can't carry a baby full term and after so many weeks the placenta stops working. Hence the reduced fluids in the womb.
In July of 2008 I had my daughter Lily, she was born at 28 weeks weighing 2 lbs 5 ounces. We felt like our family was complete. Lily's pregnancy was stressful again and I noticed I had a lot of numbness throughout the pregnancy in my sides. I put it down to the effect that the pregnancy had on me. At 5 weeks old Lily had to have an operation. She had a condition called Necrotizing enterocolitis where her bowel began to die. It was a life threatening condition and she had to be rushed to the royal children's hospital for an operation. When the doctor opened her up he realised how bad her condition was and told us that he didn't think she would survived the night. I texted everyone I knew and asked them to pray, so many people replied saying they had texted friends and asked their church congregation to pray also. I never gave up hope. I knew she was a wee fighter and she proved me right. Lily survived the night and the next day, when the doctor took her back into surgery she had improved. She went on to get better and better and eventually came home from hospital after a long 15 weeks. She has no long term health problems, in fact neither of my kids do. I realise how lucky I am to have them and to be able to get through those hard times and come out the other end.
Around four years ago I went to the doctor as I was having a lot of problems. I was having pain in all different parts of my body. numbness, very bad fatigue, increased headaches, forgetfulness, feeling dizzy and nauseous. I was referred to rheumatology and eventually diagnosed with fibromyalgia. The doctor said that the trauma I'd been through in my life had contributed to it, she said at the time you think you are doing well, your body's adrenaline gets you through and afterwards it hits you what you have gone through.
Getting the diagnosis was the first step to helping. Getting on medication that helped the pain, learning about my condition and knowing my limitations brings me to where I am today.
I used to be an active member in the community, at one stage I was a volunteer in several different groups, I was also involved in a charity and could give time to people who needed help. Now I concentrate on the day to day stuff. I can't really plan ahead, I don't know how I will feel from one day to the next. Hopefully through this blog I can help a few people feel better about their situation or know that they aren't alone in it.
I get up in the morning and get my kids ready for school. Make their pack lunches and drive them there. While the house is empty I try to get housework done, no matter how slow I have to go or how long it takes me. Some days I can't do anything which is hard. As long as I can get my kids to school and home, then make dinner, some nights I go to bed when they do, other nights I am in bed as soon as my husband comes in from work. I've missed family days outs, nights out with friends, my kids have come to know when mummy isn't feeling well they know I go to bed.
I am grateful for what I have and I am grateful for what I've been through, I do believe everything in this life happens for a reason.
My intention with joining this blog is to help others. To show that as human beings we can survive a lot and there is always hope.
I have made peace with the fact that I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow, or next week or next year. I continue to take every day as it comes and when I do have a good day I make the most of it. I know my kids won't be small forever so I don't want to miss too much.
I hope you enjoyed reading my story. Talk soon.
Cat
x
No comments:
Post a Comment