Hello my friends,
Can I call you friends? I feel like if I am going to be giving you all my life story we should be friends. Soooo here goes nothing...
I celebrated the 10th anniversary of my 21st birthday this year.... OK OK I am 31... I really thought I would struggle much more with not being in my 20s anymore but I think when you live how I do you'd be lucky to feel 30 rather than the 90 year old that I feel like I am. I wasn't always like this, I used to be able to work full time, go out when I wanted, walk for miles, I could dance the night away. That all seems like a distant memory to me now, but let me take you on a trip down memory lane.
I was a happy child, even though I slept a lot, had growing pains, got a lot of sickness. I made it to my teens ok, I hurt my ankle when I was in my early teens, tore ligaments and ended up with a bone out of place. It hurt a lot, but over the years it stopped hurting as much. I would still get twinges but I could cope. It was when I got to 18 that things really changed. I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid, and really started struggling with my weight. I was working in a nursing home and hurt my back really bad. I had muscle damage in my upper back and was living on tramadol for few months, then went to cocodomal long term. My wrists had already got arthritis in them and I wasn't able to write more than a few sentences at a time without a lot of pain. Over the next few years I would go through stages where my pain got so extreme I could hardly breathe. I had times where I would be in work sitting on the floor with my back against a radiator trying to get my muscles to loosen using the heat. I used to think that was the worst it could get and the pain was as bad as I would ever experience.
Four years ago I was back working in a nursing home again, and I loved it. But I noticed my pain was getting worse, my arms were hurting more and holding things was becoming a big problem. My sleep pattern was getting worse too. Id not been a good sleeper from my early teens anyway but this was getting ridiculous. I took myself off to the doctors to see what could be done. He gave me a sickline for one month. I was sure after that I would be feeling better and ready to go back to work. I was not prepared for what would come. I realised I had been disguising pain in other parts of my body with the pain killers I had been taking. It soon became clear that there was very little of my body that was not in pain. I went from being able to get myself about and walking everywhere to not being able to get out of bed.
I was so used to being independent and having to go from that to relying on my husband to look after me, to help me get dressed and get to the bathroom was a massive shock to my system. I couldn't cope with the pain, I was crying all day long with the pain and all night from lack of sleep. My husband works long hours, so I was alone a lot of the time and it was so hard because I wasn't able to get around the house very much. I got very depressed very fast.
I was incredibly lonely and I started watching more and more videos on youtube. I never knew beauty gurus on youtube existed until then. I quickly fell in love and realised that this was a great way to pass the time. I was diagnosed in the november of 2012 with Fibromyalgia and CFS. I didn't know very much about it. It was a friend of mine who had it that told me it sounded like what I suffer from. So I asked the doctor and was sent to a Rheumatologist who made the diagnosis. I really had to start getting to know more about what it was and how to live with it. I was advised by the doctor to join a support group. The trouble with that is I couldn't get about much, so my only option was online groups. I really struggled with this because most of them that I found were very negative. So I decided I would set up a group of my own with my friend Sharon. We really wanted to be able to be there for others who were lonely as well and needed support in their lives. My group now has over 4,000 members and grows daily. It is an amazing group full of so many beautiful people who like me live with a condition that they know will never go away and struggle every day to live with it.
Also around this time I was becoming aware that I really could be doing my own youtube videos and sharing my story with others who not only were sufferers but maybe knew someone who was and could do with learning a little more about it. I also wanted to let people know that I still had passions and still wanted to make something of myself. I wanted to show others that just because I was stuck at home and couldn't do physical things didn't mean I couldn't do something fun, so I decided to make beauty videos of my own and so my Health and Beauty Channel was born. My channel is still tiny but that is ok. I still enjoy doing it.
I have gone back to work, however things are very different. I am trying to learn what my limits are and also I work for myself. So I can plan my weeks around how I am feeling, and if things get too much for me I know I can take a step back. I have opened my own beauty salon and I am hoping in time to have girls working there full time and myself just part time. That is the dream, for now I am working as much as I can.
I have had to learn to live differently and I don't go out very much and I don't have a huge support of friends, but that is ok. I have learned the hard way through some tough times that sometimes God puts people in our lives for a season and as the season changes so to do we. I have lost friendships over the last few years that have broken my heart, and it caused a lot of health issues for me because I got so distressed over it. It has been a hard lessen to learn for me, but I am stronger for it. It has taught me to be hardened and not let people in so easily. I don't think I will be so trusting in future, but that is ok.
I have grieved for the life that I had grown up expecting, I have grieved for the life that I once had. I am now at a stage where I am happy with the life God has given me. I know that it isn't easy and I know that at times it will get even harder but I am grateful that God has given me the means to help others who are like me. I hope some of you out there will be able to take something from my blog and find support through it.
I look forward to sharing more with you all.
Lots of love and hugs,
Lyndsey.
Facebook Support Group: Chronic Pain and Fatigue Support Group
If you would like to check out my youtube channel then head over to www.youtube.com/lyndseymilliganhb
Can I call you friends? I feel like if I am going to be giving you all my life story we should be friends. Soooo here goes nothing...
I celebrated the 10th anniversary of my 21st birthday this year.... OK OK I am 31... I really thought I would struggle much more with not being in my 20s anymore but I think when you live how I do you'd be lucky to feel 30 rather than the 90 year old that I feel like I am. I wasn't always like this, I used to be able to work full time, go out when I wanted, walk for miles, I could dance the night away. That all seems like a distant memory to me now, but let me take you on a trip down memory lane.
I was a happy child, even though I slept a lot, had growing pains, got a lot of sickness. I made it to my teens ok, I hurt my ankle when I was in my early teens, tore ligaments and ended up with a bone out of place. It hurt a lot, but over the years it stopped hurting as much. I would still get twinges but I could cope. It was when I got to 18 that things really changed. I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid, and really started struggling with my weight. I was working in a nursing home and hurt my back really bad. I had muscle damage in my upper back and was living on tramadol for few months, then went to cocodomal long term. My wrists had already got arthritis in them and I wasn't able to write more than a few sentences at a time without a lot of pain. Over the next few years I would go through stages where my pain got so extreme I could hardly breathe. I had times where I would be in work sitting on the floor with my back against a radiator trying to get my muscles to loosen using the heat. I used to think that was the worst it could get and the pain was as bad as I would ever experience.
Four years ago I was back working in a nursing home again, and I loved it. But I noticed my pain was getting worse, my arms were hurting more and holding things was becoming a big problem. My sleep pattern was getting worse too. Id not been a good sleeper from my early teens anyway but this was getting ridiculous. I took myself off to the doctors to see what could be done. He gave me a sickline for one month. I was sure after that I would be feeling better and ready to go back to work. I was not prepared for what would come. I realised I had been disguising pain in other parts of my body with the pain killers I had been taking. It soon became clear that there was very little of my body that was not in pain. I went from being able to get myself about and walking everywhere to not being able to get out of bed.
I was so used to being independent and having to go from that to relying on my husband to look after me, to help me get dressed and get to the bathroom was a massive shock to my system. I couldn't cope with the pain, I was crying all day long with the pain and all night from lack of sleep. My husband works long hours, so I was alone a lot of the time and it was so hard because I wasn't able to get around the house very much. I got very depressed very fast.
I was incredibly lonely and I started watching more and more videos on youtube. I never knew beauty gurus on youtube existed until then. I quickly fell in love and realised that this was a great way to pass the time. I was diagnosed in the november of 2012 with Fibromyalgia and CFS. I didn't know very much about it. It was a friend of mine who had it that told me it sounded like what I suffer from. So I asked the doctor and was sent to a Rheumatologist who made the diagnosis. I really had to start getting to know more about what it was and how to live with it. I was advised by the doctor to join a support group. The trouble with that is I couldn't get about much, so my only option was online groups. I really struggled with this because most of them that I found were very negative. So I decided I would set up a group of my own with my friend Sharon. We really wanted to be able to be there for others who were lonely as well and needed support in their lives. My group now has over 4,000 members and grows daily. It is an amazing group full of so many beautiful people who like me live with a condition that they know will never go away and struggle every day to live with it.
Also around this time I was becoming aware that I really could be doing my own youtube videos and sharing my story with others who not only were sufferers but maybe knew someone who was and could do with learning a little more about it. I also wanted to let people know that I still had passions and still wanted to make something of myself. I wanted to show others that just because I was stuck at home and couldn't do physical things didn't mean I couldn't do something fun, so I decided to make beauty videos of my own and so my Health and Beauty Channel was born. My channel is still tiny but that is ok. I still enjoy doing it.
I have gone back to work, however things are very different. I am trying to learn what my limits are and also I work for myself. So I can plan my weeks around how I am feeling, and if things get too much for me I know I can take a step back. I have opened my own beauty salon and I am hoping in time to have girls working there full time and myself just part time. That is the dream, for now I am working as much as I can.
I have had to learn to live differently and I don't go out very much and I don't have a huge support of friends, but that is ok. I have learned the hard way through some tough times that sometimes God puts people in our lives for a season and as the season changes so to do we. I have lost friendships over the last few years that have broken my heart, and it caused a lot of health issues for me because I got so distressed over it. It has been a hard lessen to learn for me, but I am stronger for it. It has taught me to be hardened and not let people in so easily. I don't think I will be so trusting in future, but that is ok.
I have grieved for the life that I had grown up expecting, I have grieved for the life that I once had. I am now at a stage where I am happy with the life God has given me. I know that it isn't easy and I know that at times it will get even harder but I am grateful that God has given me the means to help others who are like me. I hope some of you out there will be able to take something from my blog and find support through it.
I look forward to sharing more with you all.
Lots of love and hugs,
Lyndsey.
Facebook Support Group: Chronic Pain and Fatigue Support Group
If you would like to check out my youtube channel then head over to www.youtube.com/lyndseymilliganhb
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